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“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely”. On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?” “He said you’re going to die” she replied.Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?” Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.I bumped into my ex in town earlier. I said “How’s your new bloke?” “He’s twice the man you are” she sneered “what about your new woman?” I said “Thankfully she’s half the woman you are... ?”Our eyes met across the candlelit table. She looked so beautiful. I. Then we were in the room and standing facing one another, I was unsure what to do. He took hold of my hand and said "You're apprehensive, it's not too late and I’d understand if you leave". I felt very confused, guilty as hell and full of apprehension and I wanted to flee, but then again I just couldn’t disappoint Paul and I was getting such worm sensations in my stomach.He paused for a few seconds staring deeply into my eyes as though trying to read my mind. If he could’ve seen my thoughts he'd have seen abject terror. I'm quite happy standing up before a boardroom of hard-nosed businessmen and pitching a proposal worth thousands of pounds but this whole situation was beyond my experience. I was alarmed at the sensations this stranger had roused in me. I was terrified of what would happen if I actually enjoyed this and I was petrified of not enjoying it. I was afraid that he'd be too big for me and hurt or damage me. I was scared that I might be too inexperienced and embarrass both.
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